Happy New Year. Here we are; 2020 is over. That's worth celebrating, right? This past week has been overwhelming and we had to call an ambulance, yet again. My anxiety makes my heart feel like it's going to explode. The paramedics hooked me up to a heart monitor and told me that my heart rate is high, but not at critical levels. I now have a heart monitor placed on my chest for the next 14 days to monitor my anxiety and panic attacks. I've been getting lightheaded and nauseous and according to my doctor, this is all anxiety related. With my age I was worried it could be angina, and with both of my parents having heart issues and my grandmother dying of a heart-related issue, it does scare me. What annoys me the most is people that don't understand, tell me things to try. Like I haven't already tried them. I know they are just trying to help, but it gets annoying. Like, "What you need is a coloring book." A coloring book isn't going to help with past child abuse issues, PTSD, and trauma-related thoughts. Sure it helps calm the nerves, but when they are overwhelming, you need more than crayons. I've been placed on Lorazepam for when it's overwhelming and that's been taking the edge off. I've been in therapy, too. It's going well so far and hopefully, over time it helps. -sans coloring book. Here are five things this week.
1. This Pouch.
I got this little pouch for Christmas this year and I love it. One, it reminds me of Meia and two, it's perfect for a coin pouch, or lipstick pouch. I noticed it a few weeks before Christmas at our local food co-op and I was so thrilled that Jeff and Skylar got it for me.
We drove around looking at the Christmas lights this past week. Since the pandemic I feel people went all out this year on their lights. There were quite a lot of good displays around the cities.
4. These Moments.
After lots of testing and being placed on a heart monitor overnight, I was sent home with a heart monitor to keep track of anxiety spikes. All of it is just overwhelming. One thing that made me feel better was Skylar facetiming with me and putting Eleven on the screen. That kitty is attached to me and she was meowing looking for me through the house. She saw me on the screen and started licking it. Skylar is awesome and I am truly loved and it helps a great deal with my trauma issues knowing this.
5. This Test.
Just for fun we thought we take these drug tests. We found these at the local dollar store and wondered if they actually worked. Jeff and Skylar were negative, but mine showed two lines as well we I definitely have THC in my system. So, our conclusion is, we don't know if they work for being positive, but they definitely work for coming up negative.
Did you get a glimpse of the Cold Moon on December 30?
Positive affirmations this week: Reframe the way you think of things in your mind. My therapist recently told me to record a new message on the tape recorder that plays over and over in my head. So, instead of saying, "What if this happens," or "What if that happens," change it to "Since I always take precautions, it should be okay," or "Since I've done my best, there's nothing that will happen." It takes some time to change, but it does help with worrisome and anxious feelings. A lot of the things that play in my head are statements from my past. Statements from others that I'm not good enough and never will be, I'm ugly, I'm not enough, I'm not smart, I'm a failure, and I was even told by someone that they hate me. Unfortunately, a lot of these statements came from family and people that I should have trusted. I've come along way in the last couple of years by reversing that tape that plays with those statements. I've changed those statements to, I am good enough to the right people, I am beautiful, I am smart because I do things like X or Y better than most, I may fail, but I always get to try again, and lastly, being hated is an issue with that person and not me. Simple changes of these statements really are a great benefit to your mental health. Hopefully, this helps you, too.
It's been a long year and even longer month I feel like just waiting for 2020 to end. After Christmas we took a drive up to Portland to have dinner for the evening and spent some time driving around different areas in the city. It was strange to see the populated areas with hardly any people, but it was nice to see the city less busy. It was honestly a perfect setting for some podcast pictures and other spooky photos. But, I will say, Portland looks better without so many people around and less traffic.
Merry Christmas. I'm posting this between "cooking." I don't really cook, but I mostly heat things up and use a lot of frozen things. It all tastes the same, though, and we get a lot of our things from our local co-op. The Dreidel to the left was from the local co-op. We aren't Jewish, but the chocolate is from Lake Champlain Chocolates and their chocolate is one of our favorites, so we couldn't pass it up. The co-op marked it down for the holidays and we snagged it and a few other chocolate items that were marked down. This Dreidel is a top and spins just like a real one. We played with it for a bit and then hit it with a spoon and shared the chocolate. On another aspect, I feel like I haven't been sleeping well lately and my anxiety has been troublesome, but I think it has a lot to do with everything from the year coming to a close. The only thing that helps keep me focused is knowing that in 2021 things will start to get better. It's hard to process everything that's happened this past year, but we must either process it, or let it drag us under. I am looking forward to the good things that are to come. I have a long needed haircut scheduled for tomorrow and I am looking forward to that, too. Skylar was excited to see what his gift was this year. Although he couldn't get the actual item, it is on backorder and he knows it's his. We got him a new surfboard, so he was excited about that. We also bought us all our own wetsuits, too. It's been a long time coming to get our own, so I am thrilled about that. It's the little positive things that really help process the negative. I can't wait to get back out on the water with our own suits and boards. Our boards will come later, but for now, we are eager. Here are five things this week.
1. This Kid.
We spend the early morning this morning watching Skylar open all of his gifts. Unfortunately, his big gift is on back order until March 2021 and we were disappointed that we couldn't surprise him with it on Christmas morning, but we still enjoyed the morning. We got him a Red Rider BB Gun and some targets. It was mainly bought as a joke, but Skylar loved it. We showed him his big gift and he was super excited. We can't wait until it comes and he actually gets to try it out.
2. This Tree.
With the pandemic still strong here in Oregon we passed on getting a cut tree. It actually worked out well for us because our fake tree is up all year in our TV room, so we just moved it to the front window. It's been such an odd year that one less thing to stress about was more than welcome in our house.
3. These Subscriptions.
This was the winter Fab Fit Fun subscription box. I love that they added ILIA mascara and a face brush. I ended up regifting a few items to friends and relatives, but overall the mascara and face brush will definitely be added to my daily use. The Paradox blemish stars went to Skylar and he likes to use them at night. Overall it was a nice box this season. You can sign up here to get on the spring box mailing list. Also, the Kiwi Eco Box came for December. Love this box so far and it's a great replacement to the Yogi Surprise box that ended last year. If you want to get in on this box, which you should, you can do it here. You won't regret it!
4. This Test.
Definitely pegged me correctly. Although, I do have a bit of OCD about list-making. I make a list for just about everything, it seems. But, the shower and the early waking up does resonate with me as I've gotten older. Another enneagram personality test that's free to take is the Personality Path. Even if you don't believe some of these tests, it's interesting to find out where you fall on the scale. This test is a bit more thorough and up to date. There is no email required to take it and it's been tested with several hundred people to reach high accuracy of 90%. You can take their free test here. (Thanks, Greg, for the recommendation.)
5. These Edibles.
Trying these out again this week. I do like these, and they work for helping me fall asleep and stay asleep.
Positive affirmations this week:
I want to share a quote I love.
"We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth." -Virginia Satir
So, hug often and hug those you love daily. Everyone needs a hug and everyone could use a hug, especially children as they're growing.
Life at a "Swell's" pace is a lifestyle and travel blog chronicling the life and travels while living in Oregon's beautiful Willamette Valley. It is mostly written by Shelly HW. Click the image to learn more»
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